I live in the Pacific Northwest.  Seattle to be exact.  Seattle is a city of hills.  All hills.  There are extremely few level straight of ways.  Maybe a block before it starts to slope, even if only gradually.  But many streets, those going east/west are seriously steep.  I tell you this to explain that when it snows and then freezes here, it is hell.  A couple inches can paralyze things easily.  The freeways tend to clear up due to the brave but this week is different.

We have 9.5 inches of snow here in north Seattle.  Extremely rare.  4 inches down is 1/2 inch of ice from the freezing rain Sunday night, then more snow.  All of it dry snow.  We usually get wet slop that melts quickly and rarely lasts over a night into the next day.

You know it’s “bad” when they close the local University.  All other schools are closed but they never close the University.  But they did today. Which means that those who couldn’t get in will actually get paid anyway.  Which is why they never close it unless there really is no choice.  The bus system, Metro, has shut down half of their routes.  The airport is open but many flights have been cancelled, they are urging folks to make sure their flight is flying before leaving home.  There are thousands sleeping there.

Some people’s roofs are collapsing, it’s been cold, very cold. Thousands are without electricity.

Today, no snow but it isn’t going to warm up much either but it might for a couple hours.  Just enough for it to be liquid before it dips down again and freezes and starts snowing.  So no thaw of much use before it starts snowing again tomorrow.  Then Wednesday it might warm up and start melting but there will be a foot of snow and ice to melt so we’ll see.  And then Christmas day more snow.  Friday again warming and changing to rain and then rain all weekend.  My Dad’s birthday is Christmas Eve and we don’t know if we’re going to be able to get together or not.

The retail situation has to be just awful. It’s been really sad already but with most folks not getting out of the house, lots of what little Christmas shopping was happening just isn’t, well, happening.  Times are tough.

Rain and warmer temps sounds really great but there is one more problem.  We are then looking at serious flooding in the low areas and in the agricultural areas to the north and south of Seattle.  Which I know from past experience but which they are not talking about yet.

Sophie has cabin fever in a big way. She is a cat who loves it outdoors and when the weather isn’t too cold or too white, she is outside 80% of the hours that the cat door is open.  She’s been thundering around upstairs, coming down to check in, getting Miss Mitty all worked up (she doesn’t really need much help).   In fact, the other night Miss Mitty was so nasty she clawed me and didn’t speak to me for 24 hours.  All is better now but only after I promised that I wouldn’t tell her to be nice to Sophie again.  That she can work it out, or not, in her own way.  *sigh*  My housemate is disappointed that her cat doesn’t obey her and she “doesn’t kow tow to animals.”  I told her she might do better with a dog.  Heh. As if.

So that’s the news, some bad, some not so bad.  Now for the happier…

I got out for a walk the other day, before we got really snowed in.  It was lovely with the sun out.  Icey and beautiful.  So pictures with the sun and pictures with lots of snow.  Solstice, which was re-scheduled, will happen on Friday and Saturday.

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Saturn squares Uranus. How rooted and rigid are you?? This aspect will test your resistance to change, as set patterns get disrupted and sudden reversals of fame. fortune and career become de rigour. If you’ve been biding your time and *putting up with things meanwhile*, things can get sooo frustrating now, that you’ll HAVE to bust a move. Yes, it’s true *the culture* can try to block our creativity and routinely thwarts our brilliant ideas for change, but it’s also our vacillation between holding to the socially conservative program and taking the radical stance that blocks our continued progress. Trying to find a new method might also meet with delays and difficulties now–the harder you push, the more resistance you’ll meet; this bed has been in the process of being made for quite awhile, and to just let you off that easily would be a mistake, and Saturn insists we learn something. First, slow down, Saturn (especially in Taurus) asks that you respect the process. Think about how big a part fear plays in keeping you from trying new things. Plan for some creative changes, celebrate your individuality, and start to break free. The more confidently you can be your quirky self, the more freely you can move and shake the culture.

This last pass of the Saturn-Uranus square turns up the frustration level to ultra high, without lessening your workload. Squares happen and when they do, they cause enough pressure to create enough frustration to MAKE SQUARES HAPPEN!! This week (and this has been building for almost a year), be on the watch for computer viruses and other technical breakdowns. Internal and external security systems can be disrupted unexpectedly, and while plans and businesses can experience upsets, your workload won’t be any lighter; in fact, you could feel more weighted down with more career pressures than usual this week and next. You can also be suddenly aroused and awakened to do something original and authentically YOU that makes a significant and positive and liberating change in your work, your goals, and your future.

Fer cryin out loud!

As if things weren’t hard enough.

Let’s see, how has the week gone:

• The person who requested a phone interview for Monday called.  Not Monday. Not Tuesday. But Wednesday afternoon.
• The phone call occurred in the one hour when I lost internet connection due to the weather. Thanks Clearwire.
• She said “call me as soon as you’ve reviewed the sample e-newsletter I sent you.
• Oh, you’ve never had problems coding for Outlook? All the developers are saying it’s terrible.
• Don’t call me after all, I’m calling the headhunter to talk to them about this matter.  (WTF!!)
• Do a Google search and find out that as usual it’s tech saavy developers freaking out because their fancy flash and css pages won’t load in Outlook. BFD.  They don’t load for most email readers asshats.  Simple html tables and embedded styles work just fine.  Freaking out the rubes again.
• Sent a nice email explaining what I had discovered, figured I had nothing to loose.  No word back.
• The state has made my health care provider remove all uninsured people from using their web site to order prescriptions and requests appointments with physicians, even though the said person, ME, is willing to pay full price to do so.  Grrrr.
• All 1-800 numbers to said health care provider are out of order due to a high volume of calls (got one word for them, website, frikking state) and not enough staff to answer them thanks to the city being blanketed with snow yet again.  And they expect more Sunday.
• And now Obama has chosen an Evangelical Christian to speak at the inauguration.  WTF???

You know, life is good. Really. Challenging but heart warming none the less. But dang if business isn’t hard to do lately. Everything that could have a hitch in it’s gitalong has a hitch. Oi mee.

So to heck with it.  Between now and Christmas I will be taking care of myself, giving myself some much needed nurturing.  What do I want to do?  All the gifts have been made and those that needed to be have been shipped and have actually arrived.  Yay! I’m going to go through my closets and see if there is anything in need of attention.  Repairs, embellishments, that kind of thing.  Any new projects I want to start dreaming?  Any old projects I need to start finishing? I’m going to light a roaring fire.  I’m going to watch Xena and Firefly.  I’m going to eat amazing sandwiches and drink hot chocolate and watch the snow fall.  Maybe that Chicken Soup for the Soul idea will bubble up to the surface.

We have had snow here in the Pacific Northwest and are in the middle of a projected two week cold snap. Very unusual for this part of the world.  Maybe not having a snow but a two week coldsnap especially in December is odd.  And they expect two more snow dumps before it’s over.  I know, some of you think this is for wimps but hey, according to the news it is Storm Watch 2008!!! Oooooooooh.

I”m busy around the homestead making stuff.  Was commissioned to make a carry all for a friend for Yule and have my own Yule gifts to continue working on.  Staying warm, waiting for the phone to ring.

I have a good possibility, really the best one so far, job wise.  I registered with a contracting agency back in September and they contacted me last week about a job that is short term temporary but has the potential to become permanent.  The hiring client wanted a phone interview with me yesterday and has yet to call.  She has either found someone she likes and that was that or she is a flake.  Or she has some other really sensible reason.  If she does contact me and is interested in hiring me I will definitely take the work but it’s hard to say more than that.  I don’t like it when people treat my time as so much less important then their own.

So, I sit and stitch and read and stitch and dream and look for work and dream while the days grow ever shorter and darker.   Dreaming of living in that castle…

I don’t post these that often (I get them daily) but today’s seemed particularly appropriate.

Sometimes, when you’re feeling your lowest, the real you is summoned.

And you understand, maybe for the first time ever, how grand you are, because you discover that vulnerable doesn’t mean powerless, scared doesn’t mean lacking in beauty, and uncertainty doesn’t mean that you’re lost.

These realizations alone will set you on a journey that will take you far beyond what you used to think of as extraordinary.

There is always a bright side.

Don’t disguise your tears, don’t hide your sadness, don’t be afraid to find out who you really are. Because in those fleeting moments you’ll summon such beauty and strength that, in no time at all, you’ll fully grasp exactly why you’re so gossiped about here in the unseen.

The Universe

Yesterday I decided to nurture myself away from home.  I simply HAD to get out of the house.  I had an invite to my parents house for lunch with them and another uncle that I see even less than the other one.  I arrived early knowing the folks wouldn’t mind and found myself cracking crab.  Smashing hard objects with a big hammer was a good thing.  And we ate very well. And had a wonderful conversation full of laughter.

I left for an acupuncture appointment feeling very bittersweet. I’ve really been getting in touch with how important my relationships, especially familial, are to me.  In this time of no money and uncertainty, I have these people in my life who bring me joy.

As I lay on the healing table I realized that while the headaches have been a real problem (we’re still looking for causes and if I get this part time job with benefits, I’m getting my eyes and glasses checked) what I really needed yesterday was TLC. And that is exactly what I got.  We talked as well.  And best of all, I was able to barter for the service with a tarot bag.  I love that!

Went to a meeting last night, got a hug from my new sponsor.  Came home and hung out with Miss Mitty. Went to bed at a reasonable hour.

Regarding the new sponsor; my last sponsor and I hadn’t connected on any level since the early part of The Breakup.  I was so disappointed with her behavior towards me and stunned when, after arriving to do a fourth step (a fearless and moral inventory of myself) surrounding my part in The Breakup, I had to listen to her monologue on all her opinions on spirit and me, and not getting any of my own work done, well.  The final straw was when she told me as I was leaving that I was very lucky to be her sponsee as she charges $85 an hour for the service she had just provided and she had given me three hours for free.  OMG.  That is so not a 12 step attitude.  You give away what was freely given to you.  Without that kind of guilt trip.  Not to mention doing all the talking and then telling your sponsee that she didn’t do the work and to come back and try again.  I never returned and I stopped calling her.  And I never told her why.  After the loss of two close friends in that year (one a friend and the other The Breakup), I had decided that I would let certain relationships simply die out, that I didn’t need to tell them why, it was only my opinion, that things had degraded so far that it was unlikely they would notice or care.  And that turned out to be true in this case.  When she didn’t invite me to her handfasting even though I am a pagan friend as well as a sobriety friend, that pretty much told me what I needed to know. Surprisingly I wasn’t hurt at all.  Relieved.

It’s taken me this long to get a new sponsor as I wasn’t sure I wanted to go that route again.  But I did.  I want to ramp up my sobriety practice.

Today I was supposed to meet a friend to pick up some software for my brother.  Every week  one of us has had to cancel for one reason or another, including the weeks where the software was out of stock.  Poor Bro.  But good for me as I really need a day at home for some TLC.  After several months I’ve picked up some embroidery again.  Nothing new, just a project I had set aside due to the craziness of my life.  It was really nice to sit here last night and quietly work on it while Cadfael played in the background. Don’t ask me why I resonate so strongly with a medieval healing monk but I do.  Including the spiritual practices.  He can be so very pagan in his Christianity.  I ascribe that to the fact that Ellis Peters was what I consider a true Christian.  Cadfael is like my mind and heart’s Mac and Cheese.  I go there for soothing.

Some quotes from Cadfael:

“There is no profit in ifs.We go on from where we stand, we answer for our own evil, and leave to God our good.”

“For even the pursuit of perfection may be sin, if it infringes the rights and needs of another soul. Better to fail a little, by turning aside to lift up another, than to pass by him in haste to reach our own reward, and leave him to solitude and despair. Better to labour in lameness, in fallibility, but holding up others who falter, than to stride forward alone.”

“Then he is king in name only, and not worthy of your loyalty. If I were to make such a choice, in all conscience. Out of love?…..I trust my king would forgive me…..Because he knows that in the final reckoning, we are all of us traitors…..to our heart.”

and lastly:

“Happiness, thought Cadfael, watching him, consists in small things, not in great.   It is the small things we remember, when time and mortality close in, and by small landmarks we may make our way at last humbly into another world.”

I received two emails this morning from total strangers.  Two people who had just found my blog.  Their comments left me verklempt.  I think my interest in a Pagan web listing brought one my way but the other I have no idea.  But their loving and encouraging letters were a balm to my soul.

I know that everything will be all right in my life.  It always has been.  I did the right thing by moving as my friend totally understands my situation.  I think it does her good to help and Goddess knows I need the help.  And I will bring it back around to her for certain.  I have learned great things about myself in this adventure of mine.  And I know that while no job offers complete security, a real job, if they lay me off, provides unemployment benefits.  I have none of that now.  I would love to get a secure job and know that I have that net.  To me that is security.  This?  This freelancing?  ack.  Maybe one day in the future I will consider it again.  I’ve learned some important lessons that might help then.  But for now, I’ve done the healing I needed to do and I’m ready to get back to it.

So Mote It Be.

Lastly, this quote was in the sig line of one of the emails I received this morning.  I just had to post it here.

“This is what you shall do: Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people . . . re-examine all you have been told . . . dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem.”

-Walt Whitman